Mother's Day!

Yesterday was Mother's day! I have been in hospital 9 days and missing my home life terribly.

I told nurses I was going home for a few hours (they looked at me, even with a full face of make up and hair done for the first time since I have been in and being dressed for that matter!) they said "are you sure Kim, you don't look well?" But of course there was absolutely nothing that could stand in my way of going to see my babies on Mother's day!!

So my Mum picked me up with her little dog Buddy and she drove me home. When I got home I got out of the car and heard a knocking..... It was Chris is Jayden's bedroom knocking and waving in the window :o) I walked in and Livvy was pleased but surprisingly she didn't seem too fazed with me being home, she was more happy to see Buddy lol! I have luckily been able to see Livvy even though we have both been so poorly but I hadn't seen Jayden once. It's the longest I have gone without seeing him.

I grabbed him off Chris and his little face just lit up when he looked at me. Even though he felt terrible he still managed to look chuffed :o)

I sat down with Jay in my arms and Livvy brought me my 2 cards and 2 pressies! Chris had been his usual kid at christmas self lol! He can't keep anything from me and I have to tell him not to tell me what my presents were!

So I opened my cards where Chris had let Livvy do a little scribble on which was lovely! I loved that little touch.... He always gets me a card from him too even though I don't expect a wifey card when it's Mother's Day but he always gets one and writes something lovely that makes me cry in it. Then I opened my first pressie which was 2 "mum" charms for my bracelet which I really liked. Chris told me I would cry when I saw the next present and he wasn't wrong lol! My 2nd pressie was a gorgeous necklace. The necklace opens up and there are 2 gorgeous pictures of Livvy and Jayden smiling away. Oh my word it means so much to me cos I wanted something that I could take into hospital and keep close to my heart. I haven't taken it off and I never want to. It is so beautiful and I couldn't have asked for anything better so thank you hubby and kiddies your the bestest ;o) xxx

The day did bring more tears. I very much doubt many people will understand what i'm about to say but i'm sure some people can imagine how terrible hard I found things yesterday. Reason being when I saw Jayden his hair had grown loads! His whole body had grown loads and his first tooth had come through properly. It absolutely devistates me that I miss even 1 day out of their precious lives let alone over a week. I'm sure alot of you think not alot changes in that time but take it from me ALOT changes! I started to cry whilst smelling my babies hair as I have missed that smell so much. I had an unusual moment where I felt sorry for myself. It doesn't happen very often and I am not proud that I feel like that sometimes. So yeah I did feel sorry for myself and yeah I did say "it's not fair". Judge me if you like but I am allowed to have my weak moments when I have to be strong so often. I pulled myself together quickly though as it doesn't do any good to feel like that for long.

My auntie Lisa came over with Eryn and Livvy absolutely loves them so she wanted to go with them and as much as I was desperate to spend time with her I wanted her to be happy and let her go. That left me and Chris time to chill together with Jay. Unfortunately "chilling" was never going to happen as Jay started to get alot more poorly. He had started a bad cough a few days ago but he started to get really wheezy. He didn't know what to do with himself as he is teething and had a high temperature ontop of everything else.

I got Chris to ring out of hours doctors and we got told to go to the local hospital to get checked out by the doctor. So from one hospital to another lol! I still had my hossy wristband on and wondered if they saw it and thought maybe I had escaped from the local mental asylum lol! Jay projectile vomited over Chris while we were in the waiting room which I must admit I did find slightly funny! We saw the doctor and she checked him over for a while and said he had bronchilitus. Unfortunately it is a virus so cannot really be treated unless their oxygen levels drop and then they would need oxygen.

We went home and I threw up as I cannot keep anything down at the moment and have lost a fair amount of weight. The only thing I had fancied to eat was roast chicken and tiger bread so I cooked a lovely chicken and had hot chicken sarnys YUM! Then I threw it all up! Sorry for too much info lol :o) I was really gutted, what a waste of nice food BOOO! Livvy came back and was asleep so Chris put her straight to bed. By this point I was starting to feel really poorly. Unusually I could barely walk up the stairs I just had no energy in my body at all and still felt so sick. I had to pull myself up the stairs by the bannister. I was in turmoil about leaving Chris yet again to look after a poorly child on his own. I seriously contemplated not going back into hospital. Chris was amazing and stayed calm and showed me he would be absolutely fine if I left and said he needed me to be well so I could look after him when he crashes after being on auto-pilot lol. I am so so greatful to him for holding it together so well. It is a shame to say he is getting used to such stress when I am in hospital. How sad is that to admit?! But it's true. We get crap and we deal with it, its as simple as that. My Mum rang and I asked if someone could take me back to hospital so my Dad had to take time off work to take me back which I really appreciated.

So I left with my new necklace close to my heart and it felt like I was taking a little bit of the kiddies with me. There is room for 2 more piccys in the necklace so I have room to add a family shot and a pic of me and Chris together. That is all I need :o)

I know I always say it and I'm sure most are sick of reading it but I want to thank my strong Christopher. Very very few people will understand how he feels having a terminally ill wife and having to hold things together when he wants to fall apart cos he has the kids to look after and worries about me all the time. If everyone had the strength of my husband the world would be a much better place. I am forever greatful that he is my partner and father to my children. He is my other half and I love him with all my heart. And Livvy and Jayden of course xxxxx

So Mother's Day was eventful but hey it's just another day in the 'Moult's' life and household. Appreciate and cherish the good times everyone cos you never know when they will stop or get taken away! xxx