Hard Times

I don't want to make this a long winded blog as honestly I have not got the energy.

I am in hospital again and feeling exhausted. Having loads of tests to try and figure out what's going on so hopefully soon I will feel much better.

A very special mention goes to my amazing hubby! Reason being out little Livvy has been so so poorly. She hasn't kept any food down, terrible cough and cold with a high temp. I unfortunately had to go through a&e as I started having temps and feeling rotten. So Chris has taken care of our babies so well. I know he is on auto-pilot and he will be until I get home. I know him so well and I know he is staying strong for all of us right now and that shows true strength and dedication to his family :o) I am very lucky to have him and the kids are lucky to have a fully commited Daddy who has given up everything for them and me and always does his best no matter how scared or worries he might be. Chris I love you and thank you for taking care of us all xxx

I have been in for a week today and managed to see Livvy for the first time as my Mum brought her in to see me. I was fast asleep and all I heard was "MOMMY!!" Livvy ran into my room calling me and looked chuffed to see me. I have never been so happy to see her in my life! I could tell she was a bit poorly still but she seemed happy enough. Poor girl had thrown up in the car on the way in to see me. I'm gutted I haven't been able to see Jayden but I know he is less effected by not seeing me.

I am lay on my bed with my door open and there are a couple of young CF sufferers sat in the room opposite. I know I am nosey but I can't help it! I turned down my tv so I could listen to their conversation. What made me listen is the lad saying something about "kicking the bucket" and it made me feel sad. Sad cos I have had those conversations with my friends. Most of them are not here anymore as I have mentioned previously. I can hear the worry in their voices and the uncertainty of their future. I wish I could go and tell them that everything will be fine but I can't! Who knows what their future holds.

It made me think.... No matter what my future holds I am blessed with being a Mommy to 2 amazing kids and a wife to my forgeous husband. So whatever my future holds and however scary it may be I am blessed to have what I have and many people will never know or feel how I do right now.

Xxx
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