Saturday 30 April 2011
More Down Times!
My little angel got very very poorly :o( She caught a D&V bug so it was coming out of both ends so to speak YUK! For 3 days she couldn't keep anything down so we took her to the doctors. She had been having a temperature with the other side effects but just cos she didn't have one at the time the doctor measured it he didn't listen to me so just gave me these sachets of vile tasting things to rehydrate Livvy. She wouldn't drink them as she didn't want anything at all, least of all minging tasting drinks bless her!
Mum and Dad had been away to Portugal and had come back. So they came in to visit and she perked up and had something to eat and drink and very quickly it all came back up again EVERYWHERE! She was still the same the next day so this had been going on 5 days and she still wasn't getting any better at all. She just lay on me and chris all day looking very sorry for herself. I decided to get some advice from NHS Direct and after a long winded conversation she said to call the doctors and take her in. So we went to see the duty doctor and he straight away just said he would like her to go to hospital :o( It's just the worst thing EVER to hear your little one needs to go to hospital but she needed fluids as you could see she was just so weak from not eating or drinking for 5 days.
So we went straight up to the hospital and got put into a little room on the childrens ward. They checked her over and just basically told us we have to try and get her to drink and keep it down or she would have to have fluids via a drip. The one thing I never wanted to see was her have a needle like I have had SOOOOOO many times cos I know it bloody hurts! We tried giving her all sorted of things from water to diluted flat coke which was recommended by one of the nurses but she wouldn't have any of it. She still kept spiking temperatures and having very bad nappies which were impressively smelly lol! Eventually we found that she would drink some Ribena and was eating a few crisps and just in time as the doctor had just come to put a venflon in her little foot! So we just gave her what she wanted just so she had something inside her and we were hopeful that she would keep it down. My In-Laws came to the hospital to see her and to bring me and Chris some much needed fishcake, chips and curry sauce to keep us going! Not long after they came she was sat on Mandy's lap and it ALL came back up with a vengence!! Mandy got covered and the floor was covered and Livvy looked so so poorly again it was just horrible :o( So I ran out to the nurse and said she hadn't kept the food and drink down and told the nurse to get the doctor as we knew she needed fluids asap!
At this point I was so greatful that Chris' parents were there as I had lost the plot as this was my worst point knowing she needed a venflon and that the Emla numbing cream had been applied so long ago it wasnt likely to work at that point. So me and Chris took Livvy into a little treatment room and layed her on the bed. She started struggling when the doctor held her foot to get the needle in. But there was NO reaction to the actualy needle going in. She was that exhausted and poorly at that moment that it didn't even register to her. I sighed the BIGGEST sigh of relief ever as she was so brave and I knew she would be getting the fluids that she desperately needed.
They started the fluids, Chris' parents went home, the nurses brought a bed into the room for us so we both lay down as we were exhausted from stress and worry. I don't think either of us fell asleep properly as we were tuned in to Livvy's every movement or moan. I think it was an hour or so later Livvy started to move around and was crying so Chris got up to check her and he said she was shaking. I jumped up to see what was happening. There was a little nightlight on the wall so you could see enough without putting the horrible main light on. She was shaking like a leaf and feeling like she was on fire. I know this well and knew straight away that she had a bad temperature. The problem was that she wasn't due any medication for HOURS! I went and got the nurse who came to check her, she then went to get a nurse who came in and checked her. She turned the main light on so she could see her better and when they did me and Chris nearly died on the spot. She looked so severely ill. Her skin was while and mottley all over and almost translucent. She was shaking and not with it. The nurse ran out of the room to get a doctor. It was the most scary moment of mine and Chris' lives. I'm almost crying writing this! Silly hormones...... The doctor came in within seconds and told the nurses to put through some fluids with a syringe so that it goes in quickly. They pushed through 90mls of fluid and by the time half of the fluids were being pushed through she has stopped shaking and moaning and by the end of the 90mls she was really out of it as nearly back to sleep as she was clearly exhausted. So the fluids had worked a treat and we breathed a sigh of relief again. We settled her back down to sleep but we were still buzzing with stress at how she had looked when that light went on, its something I will never forget. So at about 3am I decided to go home and get some essentials as we didn't really take anything with us so were both uncomfortable. Chris had smelly feet and I wouldn't let him take his trainers off lol!! So I went home and got clean socks, joggers, jumpers, my tablets and inhalers and more nappies as Livvy was going through them like wild fire! When I got back we were more comfy and managed to get a little bit of rest.
The next day my Mum came to the hospital and took Chris to get us a Maccys brekkie YUM! To my horror the doctor came to check Livvy over and take more bloods! No warning and I was on my own holding her hand. her little vains are that tiny the doctor took 3 attempts to get blood and Livvy was absolutely sobbing and crying and looking at me with teary eyes questioning why I was letting this happen to her and why I wasn't stopping the nasty man! I was a mess to say the least :o( then Mum and Chris walked back through the door and saw me and must have owndered what the hell was going on. I quickly explained they were just taking blood as didn't want them thinking I was a mess due to bad news it was just me being a typical Mommy and wanting to kill the person hurting her daughter!! Lol!!
From very early on the saturday morning which was the day after she got admitted she just lay in the same place, in the same position and couldn't/wouldn't move. Even through the blood tests she stayed in the same place. I think she stayed there for about 4 hours where she continued to look very sorry for herself. My auntie Lisa came to visit with her daughter Eryn. Eryn has a special place in Livvy's heart. No one knows why but she absolutely ADORES her!! So Lisa and Eryn came into the room and even when Lisa spoke Livvy didn't lift her head. We said to Eryn to get closer so Livvy could see her so Eryn walked up to the cot and said "hello Livvy" and it was the most magical moment ever! Livvy's eyes perked up and she absolutely struggled to sit up as it took her a while to sit up but she struggled just cos she knew Eryn was there. I struggled not to cry as it meant so much that she perked up. That was her turning point!! From that moment she just got better and better. She still threw up a couple of times but kept most things down plus she was having her fluids so they were doing alot of good. She kept trying to move around so we asked if we could disconnect her from the fluids and let her have a run around. The nurses were fine with that and suggested taking her into the play room so she went there for 5 mins and was then tired so came back into her room. She was almost well enough to go home but they doctor said it would be better if they kept her in 1 more night to keep an eye on her. So we stayed one more night which was nothing like the night before. Me and Chris managed to get some sleep and in the morning the docors did their ward round and Livvy was free to go YAAAAAY!!! We were so happy to be able to take her home :o) She still wasn't 100% bug she was getting there and by the Monday which had been a week since she started being poorly she was nearly back to herself. So a full 7 days of stress and emotion but our baby girl was fit and well..... She was very skinny and her bones were sticking out but I knew I could get that sorted with feeing her back up gradually.
Unfortunately it took it's toll on my health but will save that for my next blog.......
I will end this blog with saying I love my daughter with all my heart.... Plain and simple xxx
Mum and Dad had been away to Portugal and had come back. So they came in to visit and she perked up and had something to eat and drink and very quickly it all came back up again EVERYWHERE! She was still the same the next day so this had been going on 5 days and she still wasn't getting any better at all. She just lay on me and chris all day looking very sorry for herself. I decided to get some advice from NHS Direct and after a long winded conversation she said to call the doctors and take her in. So we went to see the duty doctor and he straight away just said he would like her to go to hospital :o( It's just the worst thing EVER to hear your little one needs to go to hospital but she needed fluids as you could see she was just so weak from not eating or drinking for 5 days.
So we went straight up to the hospital and got put into a little room on the childrens ward. They checked her over and just basically told us we have to try and get her to drink and keep it down or she would have to have fluids via a drip. The one thing I never wanted to see was her have a needle like I have had SOOOOOO many times cos I know it bloody hurts! We tried giving her all sorted of things from water to diluted flat coke which was recommended by one of the nurses but she wouldn't have any of it. She still kept spiking temperatures and having very bad nappies which were impressively smelly lol! Eventually we found that she would drink some Ribena and was eating a few crisps and just in time as the doctor had just come to put a venflon in her little foot! So we just gave her what she wanted just so she had something inside her and we were hopeful that she would keep it down. My In-Laws came to the hospital to see her and to bring me and Chris some much needed fishcake, chips and curry sauce to keep us going! Not long after they came she was sat on Mandy's lap and it ALL came back up with a vengence!! Mandy got covered and the floor was covered and Livvy looked so so poorly again it was just horrible :o( So I ran out to the nurse and said she hadn't kept the food and drink down and told the nurse to get the doctor as we knew she needed fluids asap!
At this point I was so greatful that Chris' parents were there as I had lost the plot as this was my worst point knowing she needed a venflon and that the Emla numbing cream had been applied so long ago it wasnt likely to work at that point. So me and Chris took Livvy into a little treatment room and layed her on the bed. She started struggling when the doctor held her foot to get the needle in. But there was NO reaction to the actualy needle going in. She was that exhausted and poorly at that moment that it didn't even register to her. I sighed the BIGGEST sigh of relief ever as she was so brave and I knew she would be getting the fluids that she desperately needed.
They started the fluids, Chris' parents went home, the nurses brought a bed into the room for us so we both lay down as we were exhausted from stress and worry. I don't think either of us fell asleep properly as we were tuned in to Livvy's every movement or moan. I think it was an hour or so later Livvy started to move around and was crying so Chris got up to check her and he said she was shaking. I jumped up to see what was happening. There was a little nightlight on the wall so you could see enough without putting the horrible main light on. She was shaking like a leaf and feeling like she was on fire. I know this well and knew straight away that she had a bad temperature. The problem was that she wasn't due any medication for HOURS! I went and got the nurse who came to check her, she then went to get a nurse who came in and checked her. She turned the main light on so she could see her better and when they did me and Chris nearly died on the spot. She looked so severely ill. Her skin was while and mottley all over and almost translucent. She was shaking and not with it. The nurse ran out of the room to get a doctor. It was the most scary moment of mine and Chris' lives. I'm almost crying writing this! Silly hormones...... The doctor came in within seconds and told the nurses to put through some fluids with a syringe so that it goes in quickly. They pushed through 90mls of fluid and by the time half of the fluids were being pushed through she has stopped shaking and moaning and by the end of the 90mls she was really out of it as nearly back to sleep as she was clearly exhausted. So the fluids had worked a treat and we breathed a sigh of relief again. We settled her back down to sleep but we were still buzzing with stress at how she had looked when that light went on, its something I will never forget. So at about 3am I decided to go home and get some essentials as we didn't really take anything with us so were both uncomfortable. Chris had smelly feet and I wouldn't let him take his trainers off lol!! So I went home and got clean socks, joggers, jumpers, my tablets and inhalers and more nappies as Livvy was going through them like wild fire! When I got back we were more comfy and managed to get a little bit of rest.
The next day my Mum came to the hospital and took Chris to get us a Maccys brekkie YUM! To my horror the doctor came to check Livvy over and take more bloods! No warning and I was on my own holding her hand. her little vains are that tiny the doctor took 3 attempts to get blood and Livvy was absolutely sobbing and crying and looking at me with teary eyes questioning why I was letting this happen to her and why I wasn't stopping the nasty man! I was a mess to say the least :o( then Mum and Chris walked back through the door and saw me and must have owndered what the hell was going on. I quickly explained they were just taking blood as didn't want them thinking I was a mess due to bad news it was just me being a typical Mommy and wanting to kill the person hurting her daughter!! Lol!!
From very early on the saturday morning which was the day after she got admitted she just lay in the same place, in the same position and couldn't/wouldn't move. Even through the blood tests she stayed in the same place. I think she stayed there for about 4 hours where she continued to look very sorry for herself. My auntie Lisa came to visit with her daughter Eryn. Eryn has a special place in Livvy's heart. No one knows why but she absolutely ADORES her!! So Lisa and Eryn came into the room and even when Lisa spoke Livvy didn't lift her head. We said to Eryn to get closer so Livvy could see her so Eryn walked up to the cot and said "hello Livvy" and it was the most magical moment ever! Livvy's eyes perked up and she absolutely struggled to sit up as it took her a while to sit up but she struggled just cos she knew Eryn was there. I struggled not to cry as it meant so much that she perked up. That was her turning point!! From that moment she just got better and better. She still threw up a couple of times but kept most things down plus she was having her fluids so they were doing alot of good. She kept trying to move around so we asked if we could disconnect her from the fluids and let her have a run around. The nurses were fine with that and suggested taking her into the play room so she went there for 5 mins and was then tired so came back into her room. She was almost well enough to go home but they doctor said it would be better if they kept her in 1 more night to keep an eye on her. So we stayed one more night which was nothing like the night before. Me and Chris managed to get some sleep and in the morning the docors did their ward round and Livvy was free to go YAAAAAY!!! We were so happy to be able to take her home :o) She still wasn't 100% bug she was getting there and by the Monday which had been a week since she started being poorly she was nearly back to herself. So a full 7 days of stress and emotion but our baby girl was fit and well..... She was very skinny and her bones were sticking out but I knew I could get that sorted with feeing her back up gradually.
Unfortunately it took it's toll on my health but will save that for my next blog.......
I will end this blog with saying I love my daughter with all my heart.... Plain and simple xxx
Down Times!
I'm not sure where to start as it seems like forever since I wrote my feelings down on my blog. When I started my blog I was in such a positive place in my life but recently things just seemed to be going wrong. Piling up ontop of me and making me want to scream!
My problem is that when bad things happen to me or life gets a bit tough I tend to put up a wall. A wall that has a VERY hard exterior that nothing much penetrates..... I stay in my own little world of being down and no one can really help me. I end up being vile to people around me and taking it out on them. Not intentinally of course its natural. What I find difficult now is that when I feel like this I still have my daughter to think about and thats where I am hard on myself and I don't allow myself to be sad or unhappy without feeling guilty for not getting a grip when I have my daughter to think about. And my husband of course. But one thing I have taken nearly 28 years to work out is that I am the only person that can get myself back up off the floor. I am so stubborn that I won't listen to others in my time of need. I have to figure it all out for myself.
So..... going back to the start of my sad time was the passing of someone I used to be close to as mentioned in a previous blog. I was married to this person. Our relationship was just not right really from the start but he was a good man and I thought things would be ok. They weren't!! We both moved onto relationships where we found our next Wife and Husband straight away which is strange but true! We stayed friends for a while but things didn't work out where that was concerned either and we broke contact for everyones sake. By complete fluke I found out he had a brain tumour. It was sad that I had to find out through a friend and that not he or his family felt it necessary to tell me. But hey ho that is his choice and who was I to question it. I heard it was a very bad and big tumour and that once they removed it they found it was cancerous and he needed 9 months of chemo. Tas had been very very close to my parents and family as he had moved up to the Midlands from London to be with me and they took him in as one of us and he felt at ease around them and they were always there for him even more than his own parents most of the time. So my parents and family found it a great shock when I told them this news. Unfortunately the tumour changed him which made him push away a hell of alot of people in his life who cared about him including long term friends and my family. So to cut a long story short we never really knew how he was over the next year or so after the tumour was removed so it came as a MASSIVE shock to get a call off a mutual friend who told me Tas had passed away. I wasn't going to go into this kind of detail as this is my past and I'm not really sure if it is something Livvy should read BUT after alot of thinking about it I think she will understand that I needed to write this down. It's not a sinister past its just that Tas was a big part of my life at one point and I think he deserves a mention. There is more drama surrounding this situation regarding the flat but that is my private business and have no intention of airing it here. All I will finish by saying is Tas you were a good guy and didn't deserve this hand in life. I'm glad he had someone to hold his hand in his final hours and to love him how he deserved to be loved RIP Tas.
My problem is that when bad things happen to me or life gets a bit tough I tend to put up a wall. A wall that has a VERY hard exterior that nothing much penetrates..... I stay in my own little world of being down and no one can really help me. I end up being vile to people around me and taking it out on them. Not intentinally of course its natural. What I find difficult now is that when I feel like this I still have my daughter to think about and thats where I am hard on myself and I don't allow myself to be sad or unhappy without feeling guilty for not getting a grip when I have my daughter to think about. And my husband of course. But one thing I have taken nearly 28 years to work out is that I am the only person that can get myself back up off the floor. I am so stubborn that I won't listen to others in my time of need. I have to figure it all out for myself.
So..... going back to the start of my sad time was the passing of someone I used to be close to as mentioned in a previous blog. I was married to this person. Our relationship was just not right really from the start but he was a good man and I thought things would be ok. They weren't!! We both moved onto relationships where we found our next Wife and Husband straight away which is strange but true! We stayed friends for a while but things didn't work out where that was concerned either and we broke contact for everyones sake. By complete fluke I found out he had a brain tumour. It was sad that I had to find out through a friend and that not he or his family felt it necessary to tell me. But hey ho that is his choice and who was I to question it. I heard it was a very bad and big tumour and that once they removed it they found it was cancerous and he needed 9 months of chemo. Tas had been very very close to my parents and family as he had moved up to the Midlands from London to be with me and they took him in as one of us and he felt at ease around them and they were always there for him even more than his own parents most of the time. So my parents and family found it a great shock when I told them this news. Unfortunately the tumour changed him which made him push away a hell of alot of people in his life who cared about him including long term friends and my family. So to cut a long story short we never really knew how he was over the next year or so after the tumour was removed so it came as a MASSIVE shock to get a call off a mutual friend who told me Tas had passed away. I wasn't going to go into this kind of detail as this is my past and I'm not really sure if it is something Livvy should read BUT after alot of thinking about it I think she will understand that I needed to write this down. It's not a sinister past its just that Tas was a big part of my life at one point and I think he deserves a mention. There is more drama surrounding this situation regarding the flat but that is my private business and have no intention of airing it here. All I will finish by saying is Tas you were a good guy and didn't deserve this hand in life. I'm glad he had someone to hold his hand in his final hours and to love him how he deserved to be loved RIP Tas.
Wednesday 27 April 2011
Where Do I start???!!!
It's been a while...... I have so very much to say and have not been ready to write it all down but now I am. So tomorrow it going to be the longest and most in depth blog so far. I have to be careful with my words but still express what I need to let out.
It has been a very tough time in my life but im ready to move forward as staying still and dwelling on the past will do no good for me or my beautiful family.
This is my first move and I feel good for just doing this! Silly but true..... I will be back tomorrow to start my long blog :o) xxx
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)