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Friday 21 October 2011
My 2 Kiddies!
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Thursday 20 October 2011
So My Children know!
After having an extremely difficult few months things finally start to be settling a little bit. Yes of course things are not perfect but i can now today think that there is more positive things going on than negative. Its been a while since I could say that. I am gonna try my hardest to stay thinking positive for the sake of my hubby and kiddies. Cos I can tell all 4 of us have benefited from the more positive atomosphere in our house.
Before contemplating having children the doctors tell you facts and figures about how you drop a certain percentage of your lung function during the pregnancy and its hard to gain back afterwards and some people never do get it back.
NOW!!! You could look at it in a very negative way and and get very scared and my children reading this thinking "am I the reason mommy got poorly" and the answer is HELL NO. Olivia and Jayden you have absolutely saved me in more than one way. You have prolonged my life as I never used to look after myself properly. You have given me a reason to fight for life and not just accept what is getting thrown at me. I am truely truely blessed to be both of your mommy's. Your Daddy is also a reason for prolonging my life as he helped create you both. And not just thinking that was his job he now looks after the 3 of us perfectly.
So I really hope both believe me when I say you saved me, you didn't ruin me. You are the reason I take every breath and how I get out of bed in the mornings. I always look forward to seeing both of your beautiful in the morning. You make us so happy and I'm determined to do whatever it takes so that I am here for you both for as long as possible.
Love you 3 with all my heart and without you life would suck!! Xxx
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Saturday 15 October 2011
Good Times....
You know what? I have felt SUPER sorry for myself lately. Even though I know I shouldn't I still have. Knowing that I shouldn't means I don't for long. Unlike alot of people who think they are allowed to feel sorry for themselves (maybe they are allowed and have good reason?) and I don't think they do. But hey that's another blog..... This is to say I had such a great day today......
My beautiful, gorgeous boy is now 11 weeks old and is around 9lb 11oz!! He is doing so amazingly well the little piggy lol :o) I am so very proud of him for progressing so well. One thing I will say is that having a prem baby means you forget that they progress alot slower in comparison to full term 11 week olds. Really if Jayden was full term he would only be 3 weeks old today so he really he is progressing completely normally its just he has been around a while and I need to keep that in mind.
He looks at me with the most beautiful blue eyes and really takes in everything that you say and is SO on the verge of smiling at us! It is so lovely to see him alert as he has done a hell of alot of sleeping while he has been on the planet bless him. Right now he is sitting in his little swing fast asleep as he has had a lovely bubbly bath and a nice big bottle of milk :o)
Me, Chris and Livvy spent alot of time in the garden this afternoon. I was swinging her around and around and getting majorly dizzy and nearly falling over. I had to push through the coughing fits. I almost don't notice the fact I am coughing. It's almost as normal as talking but not quite! Luckily Livvy is used to me coughing and doesn't really take much notice which makes me feel ALOT better about it. I guess its only natural as I cough so much it IS normal to her. I still managed to laugh so hard and enjoy every second despite the coughing and its all down to my darling daughter and her most stunning smile and giggles. How could you concentrate on the negatives when you are interacting with such a delight?
Its days like this that I never want to end its days like this I wish my body let me carry on swinging and laughing but it always ends with me needing to take a break or sit down. But as long as I have breath in my lungs I will make sure I try my best for my children and husband.
Love you all lots xxxx
My beautiful, gorgeous boy is now 11 weeks old and is around 9lb 11oz!! He is doing so amazingly well the little piggy lol :o) I am so very proud of him for progressing so well. One thing I will say is that having a prem baby means you forget that they progress alot slower in comparison to full term 11 week olds. Really if Jayden was full term he would only be 3 weeks old today so he really he is progressing completely normally its just he has been around a while and I need to keep that in mind.
He looks at me with the most beautiful blue eyes and really takes in everything that you say and is SO on the verge of smiling at us! It is so lovely to see him alert as he has done a hell of alot of sleeping while he has been on the planet bless him. Right now he is sitting in his little swing fast asleep as he has had a lovely bubbly bath and a nice big bottle of milk :o)
Me, Chris and Livvy spent alot of time in the garden this afternoon. I was swinging her around and around and getting majorly dizzy and nearly falling over. I had to push through the coughing fits. I almost don't notice the fact I am coughing. It's almost as normal as talking but not quite! Luckily Livvy is used to me coughing and doesn't really take much notice which makes me feel ALOT better about it. I guess its only natural as I cough so much it IS normal to her. I still managed to laugh so hard and enjoy every second despite the coughing and its all down to my darling daughter and her most stunning smile and giggles. How could you concentrate on the negatives when you are interacting with such a delight?
Its days like this that I never want to end its days like this I wish my body let me carry on swinging and laughing but it always ends with me needing to take a break or sit down. But as long as I have breath in my lungs I will make sure I try my best for my children and husband.
Love you all lots xxxx
Thursday 6 October 2011
My Hubby, My Hero!
I am lay in bed right now and its 1pm in the afternoon. I didn't sleep very well at all last night as I have just come out of hospital and its quite normal for me to take a couple of days to get used to being home and sharing a bed again! As i'm sure Chris agrees as he steals my side of the bed when i'm not here :op .....
This blog is dedicated to you Chris Moult! The most amazing husband and Daddy anyone could ever wish for....
Over my whole life I have been very open with anyone that I come into contact with about the fact I have CF. It's not that CF defines me as a person it is just a huge part of my life and it effects pretty much every aspect of my life now I am getting older as my health has taken a bit of a battering.
Not long after meeting Chris I had to go into hospital and even then he didn't really seem to be effected by it at all. He came to see me every day and never seemed put off. The problem with CF is we look so well most of the time and its not until you see us pumping ourselves full of antibiotics or coughing our guts up lol! So even though I was upfront and told Chris all about my illness I don't think he realised quite how hard times could get.
Enough of my waffling..... The point is..... Chris is the most amazin person I have ever met. He came along and showed me that soulmates do exist and that I could be happy and content and so completely in love with someone that not alot else matters. He gave me 2 stunning children when I thought I couldn't have any! He has stood by me when I have been so poorly and scared. When I go into hospital he looks after the kids 99% single handedly! Now anyone with 2 kids knows how hard it must be to look after 2 kids on your own. But what most people don't experience is looking after 2 kids whilst your wife is 45 mins away in hospital feeling extrmely ill and being unable to do anything about it.
Personally I don't think many people could do what he does and even if sometimes he feels like he can't take much more he goes and takes it! Cos our lives are on a constant rollercoaster but he makes it all easier to cope with and if I hadn't met him then my life would have been very unfulfilled.
I am so so proud of you babe, you have coped with more than most and you cope so well. I am so thankful that I met you and so glad you love me as much as I love you. I know we have a rough time most of the time but as long as we have each other and our babies then screw everythin else ;o)
Mwaaaa xxx
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Sunday 2 October 2011
Let the Pics Do the Talkin!
Since my last update I decided to tell a picture with stories. Once Jayden was born he went NICU, I was in serious pain from the c-section and I was too poorly to see him till about 9pm which is 9 hours after he was born! Most mommys get their babies handed to them straight away so only people that have experienced something similar will understand howwrong it feels to not have your baby with you after they are born. But obviously I understand that he needed to be where he was and I needed the care and rest I was getting but I really wanted to see him so Chris pushed me in a wheelchair into the NICU. I don't remember first meeting my little man at all.... All I remember is seeing the bottom of a bin as I just kept throwing up so literally didn't stay long at. The next time I saw him was nearly 24 hours later which is when I was a bit more with it and when I saw him I seriously broke down. Jayden had alot of fluids on himwhen he was born which made him look quite big and healthy but by the time I saw him he had lost the fluids and I got to see just how small he was. All that went through my mind is how can something so small and vunerable survive? I felt pure guilt that my body had given up and he had to come out so early. I was so scared. I was scared he was going to be really ill or maybe even worse. But all I will say is he was a tough little fighter from the second he was born. They told us to expect setback with him but he never took a step backwards. He is so tough and I am so proud of him for bein so strong when he was so ickle! Gonna stop now cos gotta do my iv's and this stupid laptop is doin my head in cos the space key doesnt work unless you press it hard and its doin my head in lol. bye for now xxx
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