Wednesday 29 February 2012
Enjoying My Cooking!! Xx
Bowling!
I wasn't going to let anything stop me going bowling even though I still felt a bit rubbish before we left. Chris' parents had the kiddies for us and they took them out to the park then they had some chip shop chips :o)
Me and Chris played 2 games. We had a bit of a competition going on from when we first met. I had kicked his arse the first time and he kicked my arse the 2nd time so this was meant to be the decider! Me and Chris both play any game to win! Else what's the point?! Lol :o)
First game started and I was beating him up until the 7th ball so not far from the end and Chris pulls out a strike and completely changes the game and he ended up beating me. I wasn't too fussed about that game as he won fair and square! The second game started and yet again I was winning up until the 8th ball this time! So right near the end... I had a huge coughing fit as the sputum is that thick on my chest that it started moving cos I was getting out of breath bowling! I was so annoyed at my body.... Why the hell is it out of breath just throwing a ball down! I couldn't stop coughing and I felt so embarrassed... Even when people don't take much notice as the music is loud and everyone is concentrating mostly on what they are doint but I still feel like 100 pairs of eyes are on me. Chris kept telling me to sit down and take it easy but me being me thought I would carry on and just get the game over with. So whilst still coughing I bowled my 8th go and screwed it up. Chris overtook me and I refused to bowl the last ball as I was still coughing and majorly pissed off that I had been beaten all cos my cough made my whole body exhausted and I didn't rest for 5 mins. Poor Chris tried to make me feel better by saying that game was void lol! Bless my man for saying the best things he could ever say. I'm sure a lot of people wouldn't have the patience if I stropped but he knows its due to me being so frustrated with the lack of being able to do normal things without struggling.
We went for something to eat and once we had ordered the usual sickness that I have had for weeks now decided to piss me off even more. So I tried to force down a 20oz steak! Yes I did say 20oz lol! Not a good plan when feeling extremely sick. I felt so sorry for Chris that this was out first time out without kids for ages and I have a miserable face on cos I feel terrible. We went home, I got into bed and slept for 3 hours and had to be woken up.
Hopefully we will be doing more things together soon and hope my body stops being a pain in the arse and causing me to be miserable.... Love you Chris, thanks for being understanding when I'm vile xxx
Wednesday 22 February 2012
My New Tattoo!
It was a cover up of a rubbish tat I had just over a year ago. It needs a bit more shading which I will be getting done in a couple of weeks once this has healed.
The reason for the Koi design is due to its meaning and what the Koi represents....
"Koi Fish meaning in Japan is good fortune or luck they also are associated with perseverance in adversity and strength of purpose. Symbolic in Buddhism to represent courage."
It definately suits me :o)
Monday 20 February 2012
Saturday 18 February 2012
Livvy's First Baking Day!
I absolutely treasure these days and make the most of feeling ok enough to do things like this! :o) I have been on my feet so much today and apart from a sore back and slightly painful rib I have managed ok.
All in all a good day finished with fishcake, chips and curry sauce yum yum! just about to take livvy to bed and read her a story xx
Wednesday 15 February 2012
Making Days Count
After coming out of hospital recently I really didn't feel good at all. In pain most of the time with a fractured rib and my lungs still were not behaing themselves. I was still coughing up thick, dark sputum that was hard to clear even after nebulisers. Problem is the more I coughed to move it all the more it hurt my rib. I have felt exhausted and have hardly been able to lift a finger to help with housework and with the kids so needless to say its been a bit stressful for me and Chris. Jayden is so big now I have really been struggling to lift him so I have felt pretty helpless and not like a good Mommy at all.
I had been in the house and not seen the outside world for days and my mum has been poorly too so we haven't really made a good pair lol.... We both started to feel slightly better and I have just started doing a bit more around the house and with the kids. It was valentines day yesterday so me and mum went into worcester to marks & spencer to get the meal deal for me to cook for Chris. Mum wanted to get a dress so we ended up walking around quite a bit and to my surprise I didn't do too badly :o) I am ok when I stop and start, its when I walk longer distance I start coughing and hurting.
I got some gorgeous food to cook for Chris and I got myself a drink. It all turned out lovely and we had our food sat at the table with loads of candles all around :o) Then we chillaxed on the sofa and watched Twilight which was the first film me and Chris ever saw together at the cinema. We had a lovely evening together and just proved we don't need shit loads of money to buy presents or go out to a posh restaurant to be happy! Not that I would mind if we did lol.
Today has been amazing!!! I managed to dress livvy and jayden then drove with them, my mum and buddy (mum's dog) to the lido park in droitwich. We were out for an hour and 20 mins and I was walking, pushing jayden in his pushchair, picking livvy up and putting her in the swing, walking up and down steps to help livvy onto the slide loads of times. I just had the best time!!! I am so happy that I achieved what I did. I had a fab time with my kids and mum and that is what my children deserve. I want to take them out and make them happy and show them mommy can have fun and do fun things as sometimes all they hear is me saying "no sorry mommy is too tired" or "mommy doesn't feel very well". I am sick of hearing myself say it so I am sure livvy is bless her. She is so caring and patient with me for such a young age. Chris is also patient with me when I get frustrated, upset or I am snappy with him. He deserves a medal cos he chooses to stay with me and put up with me.
I saw people looking at me today when I had to sit down for a bit cos my mum had to help livvy getting onto the slide etc and they glanced over with questioning looks as to why I was sat down and not running after my child. I just wish they understood how amazing I had done and that I just needed a little rest to let my lungs calm back down. But hey those people don't know me so I shouldn't take any notice.
To see my boy and girl with rosey cheeks and looking so happy out in the fresh air was absolutely priceless. I almost want to cry I am that happy. Every second is precious but times like that I wish I had a pause or rewind button so I could feel like that more! BUT now I have started to feel a slight improvement everyday and I don't plan on wasting a minute of family life and each day I am getting stronger again. So I will push my body to experience these amazing things as much as I can. I will NEVER give in or give up. I will always get knocked down but I will ALWAYS pick myself back up with the help of my children, husband and family :o) xxxx
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device
Thursday 9 February 2012
Boring Update All in All
I haven't updated for a while and I guess its due to the fact that some of the things that have been happening is not something I want to broadcast and mainly cos anything negative should be moved on from and not re-read and re-remembered. So that is that.
Going back to Xmas which was 2 days after I had come out of hospital. I never stopped running around, buying presents! I literally went out all day with my Mum to get everything. I let her pick a lovely top as her pressie as I wanted to get her something nice for helping us out so much and just wanted to give her something nice. She is always the one giving so it's nice sometimes to be able to give back and she loved her top so I was happy :o)
Xmas day was fab! If you have looked at the pics below Livvy and Jayden loved their pressies. Livvy is still asking if Santa is coming. I said no Livvy not in Febuary as he is busy making toys for next Xmas! She says "oh, ok mommy!". Xmas morning mum and dad came over to our house as usual and we all opened our pressies and me and dad (well really it was all me, dad just got in my way lol! i dont like other people cooking in my kitchen :op) cooked bacon and egg sandwiches. Then we all ended up going back to bed then we got up and got ready to go to my auntie Lisa's for Xmas dinner. I was going to cook my own but I wasn't well enough so they took us in and made room hehe :o) it was rammed as my sister, hubby and 6 kids were there for the first time as they usually get left out bless them! Really we should have done 2 sittings cos it was manic getting all the food out lol. But mum, dad and lisa wisa did a fab job and the dinner was absolutely gorgeous!
Our usual tradition is we dont see chris' family until boxing day but its lovely going over the next day and having a big get together with them all and having a laugh. it turns into a crazy house lol! Dad drove us over as I didnt feel well enough to drive and oh my god i literally coughed the whole way there to the point i was nearly wetting myself (nice!!) and it was exhausting. Really I should have realised there and then I really wasnt well enough to be going out and should have gone back home with dad but i had been really looking forward to it and so i was determined to ignore my body and stay anyway. that turned out to be a big mistake as i just felt worse and worse. coughing more and feeling so sick so Mandy said to go and have a lie down in their bed and usually i would never do that but i have to give in and went upstairs. i got into their bed and thought i had gone to heaven it was so comfy! i fell asleep straight away and had to be woken up by chris. llittle bit too much info moment coming up.....
when i came out of hossy i reveloped a blockage in my bowl and looked 6 months pregnant! with CF this can happen quite alot as we cant digest our food properly but i am lucky that i generally dont get them. but hell did i have a big one this time! and people may think they if you use the word blockage that nothing comes out but that is not the case ha! so to put it bluntly i had the runs! i have always vowed i wouldnt go for a number 2 at chris' parents house cos there is only one toilet and its downstairs by the kitchen and people are always in there lol! another thing i have to point out to make sure everyone understands (not that you probably want to lol!) is that cf's have erm..... no easy way to put this..... a right smelly arse!!! so when i got out of bed i made a run for the bathroom and had to stay in there for about half an hour with the window open and refused to move lol! when i came out chris' mum and brother was in the kitchen and i wanted a big hole to open up and swallow me! Chris found the whole thing hilarious lol! thanks chris!!!
New years eve we needed and wanted a quiet one so we stayed in had a few drinks and watched a blu ray. the film finished about 5 mins before midnight so we were so sad and counted down watching tv lol! watched all the fireworks that were going off in london then went to bed! we are getting old but we dont care we loved it and snuggled up in bed together and watched another film :o)
Unfortunately my health has been so up and down since december i havent been able to get to the gym and have been struggling to do things with the kids. its been a frustrating time in which i have tried so hard to stay positive. so anyway..... i decided to sign up to do a half marathon to raise money for the CF trust! haha! yeah you didnt expect that did you?! its the Bupa birmingham half marathon which is 13.1 miles! i am pretty sure everyone i tell smile politely but i can see the look on their face saying how the hell is she going to do that when she cant even get dressed without being exhausted?! TRUST ME when i say i WILL do it. even if i have to crawl over the line it doesnt matter.... i will finish it! my cousin Ben and Neil want to do it and i dragged my sister into it too lol! its in october so i have got time to train as much as possible. i cracked a rib from coughing a few weeks ago and was desperate to go into hospital as i was really unwell and in agony but one morning i woke up early and just decided i wasnt going to listen to my body and i went out early and walked for 40 mins without stopped out on the paths and roads. i absolutely coughed my guts up but cos it was early no one really heard or saw me! thankfully! i got back and i was buzzing! chris, livvy and jayden were still in bed the lazy buggers and i was bouncing. at this point i didnt even realise i had hurt my rib! going for that walk really knocked me for 6 unfortunately and i felt so terrible. i was already on the waisting list to get a bed in hospital but i just kept getting worse. when the pain kicked in i couldnt breath hardly. it was scary. i ended up going into hospital via a&e which i am glad i did. so i finally got my bed on ward 26 and started treatment and decent pain relief.
I had alot of stress while i was in and after nearly 2 weeks of being in hospital i didnt feel any better but i had to get out to see the kids as it was sending me crazy. i have now finished my ivs and dont feel good so its only a matter of time until i am back in so i am just going to make the most of being at home and enjoy it. as i am sat writing this i am in pain with my rib still. just hope it hurrys up and fixes itself and gives me a break.
Onto a very positive note i am chuffed to say that chris has PASSED his driving test YAAAAAAY!!! well done chris i always had faith and knew you could do it!!! proud of you! its already made a huge difference and it will carry on making the biggest difference. it meant everything to me when you can drive to see me and you can walk me up to the ward and get me settled in before you leave as i have always felt so lonely driving away from home and dragging my own suitcase upto the ward and then unpacking. having you there to do that for me will mean the world to me and you being able to bring the kids in when your used to the road will be priceless so well done and thank you xxxxx
Thanks to my mum for helping out loads with the kids while i was in hospital! xx
Finally..... Jayden is now 18lb! he is getting cheekier by the day! still waiting for his first tooth but dont think it will be long. he smiles non stop and has the cutest giggle. he is loving all his food and from the size of him i think thats obvious!! Livvy is also getting cheekier by the day but hey she has been an angel most of the time so we cant expect her to be perfect all the time. she has been painting and making snowballs and doesnt stop chatting away to us. she comes out with the funniest things. i am such a lucky lucky person :o)
Unfortunately i dropped my blackberry down the toilet AARRRGGGHHHHH while i was in hospital too so i had no contact to the outside world for days in the there! so am unable to upload any new pics which im gutted about but will try get some more put up on here soon.
Pretty sure I have missed loads of things out but my head is mush with everything that has been going on and i have already rambled on enough!
until next time . . . . . . .xxx
Going back to Xmas which was 2 days after I had come out of hospital. I never stopped running around, buying presents! I literally went out all day with my Mum to get everything. I let her pick a lovely top as her pressie as I wanted to get her something nice for helping us out so much and just wanted to give her something nice. She is always the one giving so it's nice sometimes to be able to give back and she loved her top so I was happy :o)
Xmas day was fab! If you have looked at the pics below Livvy and Jayden loved their pressies. Livvy is still asking if Santa is coming. I said no Livvy not in Febuary as he is busy making toys for next Xmas! She says "oh, ok mommy!". Xmas morning mum and dad came over to our house as usual and we all opened our pressies and me and dad (well really it was all me, dad just got in my way lol! i dont like other people cooking in my kitchen :op) cooked bacon and egg sandwiches. Then we all ended up going back to bed then we got up and got ready to go to my auntie Lisa's for Xmas dinner. I was going to cook my own but I wasn't well enough so they took us in and made room hehe :o) it was rammed as my sister, hubby and 6 kids were there for the first time as they usually get left out bless them! Really we should have done 2 sittings cos it was manic getting all the food out lol. But mum, dad and lisa wisa did a fab job and the dinner was absolutely gorgeous!
Our usual tradition is we dont see chris' family until boxing day but its lovely going over the next day and having a big get together with them all and having a laugh. it turns into a crazy house lol! Dad drove us over as I didnt feel well enough to drive and oh my god i literally coughed the whole way there to the point i was nearly wetting myself (nice!!) and it was exhausting. Really I should have realised there and then I really wasnt well enough to be going out and should have gone back home with dad but i had been really looking forward to it and so i was determined to ignore my body and stay anyway. that turned out to be a big mistake as i just felt worse and worse. coughing more and feeling so sick so Mandy said to go and have a lie down in their bed and usually i would never do that but i have to give in and went upstairs. i got into their bed and thought i had gone to heaven it was so comfy! i fell asleep straight away and had to be woken up by chris. llittle bit too much info moment coming up.....
when i came out of hossy i reveloped a blockage in my bowl and looked 6 months pregnant! with CF this can happen quite alot as we cant digest our food properly but i am lucky that i generally dont get them. but hell did i have a big one this time! and people may think they if you use the word blockage that nothing comes out but that is not the case ha! so to put it bluntly i had the runs! i have always vowed i wouldnt go for a number 2 at chris' parents house cos there is only one toilet and its downstairs by the kitchen and people are always in there lol! another thing i have to point out to make sure everyone understands (not that you probably want to lol!) is that cf's have erm..... no easy way to put this..... a right smelly arse!!! so when i got out of bed i made a run for the bathroom and had to stay in there for about half an hour with the window open and refused to move lol! when i came out chris' mum and brother was in the kitchen and i wanted a big hole to open up and swallow me! Chris found the whole thing hilarious lol! thanks chris!!!
New years eve we needed and wanted a quiet one so we stayed in had a few drinks and watched a blu ray. the film finished about 5 mins before midnight so we were so sad and counted down watching tv lol! watched all the fireworks that were going off in london then went to bed! we are getting old but we dont care we loved it and snuggled up in bed together and watched another film :o)
Unfortunately my health has been so up and down since december i havent been able to get to the gym and have been struggling to do things with the kids. its been a frustrating time in which i have tried so hard to stay positive. so anyway..... i decided to sign up to do a half marathon to raise money for the CF trust! haha! yeah you didnt expect that did you?! its the Bupa birmingham half marathon which is 13.1 miles! i am pretty sure everyone i tell smile politely but i can see the look on their face saying how the hell is she going to do that when she cant even get dressed without being exhausted?! TRUST ME when i say i WILL do it. even if i have to crawl over the line it doesnt matter.... i will finish it! my cousin Ben and Neil want to do it and i dragged my sister into it too lol! its in october so i have got time to train as much as possible. i cracked a rib from coughing a few weeks ago and was desperate to go into hospital as i was really unwell and in agony but one morning i woke up early and just decided i wasnt going to listen to my body and i went out early and walked for 40 mins without stopped out on the paths and roads. i absolutely coughed my guts up but cos it was early no one really heard or saw me! thankfully! i got back and i was buzzing! chris, livvy and jayden were still in bed the lazy buggers and i was bouncing. at this point i didnt even realise i had hurt my rib! going for that walk really knocked me for 6 unfortunately and i felt so terrible. i was already on the waisting list to get a bed in hospital but i just kept getting worse. when the pain kicked in i couldnt breath hardly. it was scary. i ended up going into hospital via a&e which i am glad i did. so i finally got my bed on ward 26 and started treatment and decent pain relief.
I had alot of stress while i was in and after nearly 2 weeks of being in hospital i didnt feel any better but i had to get out to see the kids as it was sending me crazy. i have now finished my ivs and dont feel good so its only a matter of time until i am back in so i am just going to make the most of being at home and enjoy it. as i am sat writing this i am in pain with my rib still. just hope it hurrys up and fixes itself and gives me a break.
Onto a very positive note i am chuffed to say that chris has PASSED his driving test YAAAAAAY!!! well done chris i always had faith and knew you could do it!!! proud of you! its already made a huge difference and it will carry on making the biggest difference. it meant everything to me when you can drive to see me and you can walk me up to the ward and get me settled in before you leave as i have always felt so lonely driving away from home and dragging my own suitcase upto the ward and then unpacking. having you there to do that for me will mean the world to me and you being able to bring the kids in when your used to the road will be priceless so well done and thank you xxxxx
Thanks to my mum for helping out loads with the kids while i was in hospital! xx
Finally..... Jayden is now 18lb! he is getting cheekier by the day! still waiting for his first tooth but dont think it will be long. he smiles non stop and has the cutest giggle. he is loving all his food and from the size of him i think thats obvious!! Livvy is also getting cheekier by the day but hey she has been an angel most of the time so we cant expect her to be perfect all the time. she has been painting and making snowballs and doesnt stop chatting away to us. she comes out with the funniest things. i am such a lucky lucky person :o)
Unfortunately i dropped my blackberry down the toilet AARRRGGGHHHHH while i was in hospital too so i had no contact to the outside world for days in the there! so am unable to upload any new pics which im gutted about but will try get some more put up on here soon.
Pretty sure I have missed loads of things out but my head is mush with everything that has been going on and i have already rambled on enough!
until next time . . . . . . .xxx
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