I was in a relationship I wasnt happy in and over a couple of years I lost about 6 close friends with CF die. I saw a few of them in their final hours and their final few breaths and it was hard to say the least. Its pretty impossible to explain how it feels to watch someone with the illness that you have die. Its different to watch which is brutal but honest. I spiralled downwards more and hit rock bottom so I had to turn to councelling and anti depressants. All i could concentrate on was death and how it was coming for me. Fortunately my relationship at the time had alot to answer for as I felt trapped and just so unhappy.
My point to this post is that someone I know had passed away from a brain tumour and someone else has a terminal cancer. 1 of those people previous so finding the tumour was fit and healthy and the one looking after everyone else. They didnt know that time was limited and may have lived their life differently? Maybe they wouldnt?
For me knowing what lays ahead of me makes me stronger! I fight every day to show my daughter and husband intense love and devotion. I know I have to live life to the max and not waste it. No point being down about things as there is always someone worse off..... Always someone that doesnt get to experience certain pleasures in life like being a parent or meeting their soul mate. I am lucky to say I experience both on a daily basis and if my life ended this second I know I have made the most of things due to knowing what the future holds.
So maybe its not a bad thing knowing? Maybe tomorrow i will change my mind lol..... But I just know the importance of living for now, not taking things for granted and treasuring special moments.
As I hear of terrible things happening to friends and terrible things happening around the world maybe its time to put a stop to ever feeling sorry for myself? Ok most of the time ;o) lol xxx
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Beautifully written hun and all so true too. Living life to the max is so important, live for today and pray for tomorrow is all you can do. Looking backm well there is almost no point bothering, a few lessons maybe, that's about it. Memories are with us daily.
ReplyDeleteI hope to have you in my life for a long time yet. And RIP to our lost friend, and thoughts and wishes to the other. X