Ward 26 Heartlands Hospital!

Well here I am again..... Sat in the day room waiting for room 12 to be cleaned and ready for me to go in.

As I sit here I am forced to entertain myself purely with my thoughts. Not always a good thing especially when my heart is ever so slightly broken at having to leave my hubby and 2 kiddies at home a few days before xmas.

In the day room is pictures or previous CF patients that are no longer here and thank you cards from people who have been looked after on the ward or from the family of the unfortunate person not with us anymore.

As I sit here I am remembering what this hospital used to mean to me. I started coming here when I was 17 and wow it was such a life changing experience as I hadn't really seen or spoken to any other "adults" with CF. I still remember my first admission on ward 12 (the old ward we used to go on until our CF unit was built) I met 4 amazing people. 3 of them went on to be very good friends of mine for years but sadly they have passed away over the past few years. The other guy I met on that first admission was so lovely. Stayed up till the early hours chatting and having a laugh. I went home and a week later he passed away. So on my very first adult admission I had a big reality check thrown in my face.

Regardless of the hard hitting side of CF and Heartlands hospital its no joke when I say it was like a holiday camp in here! We ran riot on the ward and it was so much fun! I almost wanted to come in for treatment half the time as it was such a laugh. I think mainly cos I could spend time with such strong, funny and outgoing people that I had something in common with. Cystic Fibrosis!! Only someone else with this disease will fully understand what I mean when I say things no matter how much people try. So it was special when I speant time with people that fought like I did and much harder in a lot of cases. We used to go out to the pub and to the cinema together and come back late at night just before our last iv's were due to tuts and smirks off the nurses hehe!

Over the years we moved on to ward 26 which is a specialist CF ward build just for us. I think that's when things got a bit more serious. We all have our own rooms due to cross infection. Basically different CF patients grow different bugs and can pass them to each other so we were told to keep our distance and not to mix with other CF's. As far as I know pretty much none of my friends actually listened to anyone about the cross infection. It was a risk we all knew about but none of us were prepared to stop being friends or going to see someone when they were really poorly.

There used to be a huge group of us that stuck together and were genuine friends. Unfortunately I only have a couple left. I have watched people decline and pass away. I think of them often and when I come in here I often stay in rooms where my friends have passed away. It makes me feel close to them but it also makes me miss them all so very much. I have made many more friends (some special) over the years and more surprising friends via the internet :o) You know who you are!

So the meaning of Heartlands has changed over the years. Its all so very serious and worrying to me now. Its a lonely place and it leaves you with far too much time to think. Its where I have to be strong when I wanna be weak but the bottom line is that I will fight to the death for Chris, Olivia and Jayden. I'm not sure if I could handle everything I go through if it wasn't for them. There is always others in a worse situation than me. I will build myself back up, enjoy xmas and new year then January is when I kick start the gym again. I have a plan.... Onwards and upwards xxx

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