Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power, yeah
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things
Define what's within
And I've been there before
But that life's a bore
So full of the superficial
[Chorus:]
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, Yeah
Some people search for a fountain
That promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love them
Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be
With no one to share
With no one who truly cares for me
[Chorus:]
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, you, you
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, yeah
[Outro:]
If I ain't got you with me baby
So nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing
If I ain't got you with me baby
Saturday 26 March 2011
Friday 18 March 2011
Lucky
I guess up to the age of about 18 or so I never ever ever felt sorry for myself with regards to my illness. It was a gradual spiral down to selfpittydom from there which I think is quite natural even though I managed to keep it well hidden most of the time.
I was in a relationship I wasnt happy in and over a couple of years I lost about 6 close friends with CF die. I saw a few of them in their final hours and their final few breaths and it was hard to say the least. Its pretty impossible to explain how it feels to watch someone with the illness that you have die. Its different to watch which is brutal but honest. I spiralled downwards more and hit rock bottom so I had to turn to councelling and anti depressants. All i could concentrate on was death and how it was coming for me. Fortunately my relationship at the time had alot to answer for as I felt trapped and just so unhappy.
My point to this post is that someone I know had passed away from a brain tumour and someone else has a terminal cancer. 1 of those people previous so finding the tumour was fit and healthy and the one looking after everyone else. They didnt know that time was limited and may have lived their life differently? Maybe they wouldnt?
For me knowing what lays ahead of me makes me stronger! I fight every day to show my daughter and husband intense love and devotion. I know I have to live life to the max and not waste it. No point being down about things as there is always someone worse off..... Always someone that doesnt get to experience certain pleasures in life like being a parent or meeting their soul mate. I am lucky to say I experience both on a daily basis and if my life ended this second I know I have made the most of things due to knowing what the future holds.
So maybe its not a bad thing knowing? Maybe tomorrow i will change my mind lol..... But I just know the importance of living for now, not taking things for granted and treasuring special moments.
As I hear of terrible things happening to friends and terrible things happening around the world maybe its time to put a stop to ever feeling sorry for myself? Ok most of the time ;o) lol xxx
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Lots But Nothing!
It feels like AGES since I wrote something on my blog and I feel like I have been super busy but can't actually remember what I have been busy doing?! Lol :o)
I guess I have been building my relationship back up with Livvy as she was a bit funny with me for a while after I came out of hospital which is pretty normal. A friend was staying with us for a few days and unfortunately Livvy was more interested in him than me so I had to wait for him to leave before things started getting back to normal. For this reason I am now reluctant to have anyone stay as it effects my relationship with Livvy and I wont let anything stand in the way of us bonding!!
So just an over all update is that I came off my IV antibiotics a couple of days ago and I feel pretty good :o) I went to the hospital yesterday for a check up and a chat to the labour doctors and the CF doctors together and they were all very happy with my progress in the pregnancy and my lung function is just as good as when I came out of hospital so my main aim is to maintain that as it is and I will be chuffed if I can do that. It will involve doing more exercise and keeping up with nebs and physio. Luckily my energy levels are sooooo much better since I got past 12 weeks in the pregnancy which feels fab!! Its been hard work up until the last couple of days so now I have no excuse to miss excercise BOOO hehe ;o)
Livvy has been getting so cheeky recently.... Her personality just keeps growing and growing!! She never fails to make me and Chris laugh on a daily basis :o) I just cannot wait to see her being a big sister to little Pea.... She is going to be great! She is already learning how to feed the baby on her dolly lol! Will post a pic to show how well she is doing.
There is alot of things to do around the house before the baby gets here. Livvy is going to go into a big bed so that Pea can have the cot. We need to sort out our tip of a spare room once we find out the sex of the baby so its all ready for when he/she comes. Also the garden is in the process of being finished! Livvy has been loving running in the garden and playing in her playhouse. My father in law is making me a herb garden which I cant wait to start using! Especially when I am having a cooking frenzy at the moment and want to use fresh ingrediants! Cant stay out of the kitchen and have been eating homemade lasagne for brekkie for the last 2 days lol! Terrible but my excuse is baby wants it hehehe :o)
So things are very good at the moment, I am very content and happy. I have a scan next week so will know exact due date. Chris has his theory test for his driving license soon and soooo hoping he passes as its so important. Fingers well and truely crossed! Xxx
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Wednesday 2 March 2011
Busy Day!
Usually when I am in hospital time absolutely drags and I end up climbing the walls! But yesterday was hectic for treatment purposes and today was busy for a few reasons.....
Firstly I had a scan booked for 11.30 so that we could check to see if little Pea was ok as I had a slight bleed last week and a few pains. So my Dad brought Chris and Livvy over to the hospital so we could all be there.
The scan was great! :o) very quick cos it wasn't a routine scan but we got a picture and reassurance that everything was fine. Whenever I had a scan with Livvy she never used to stay still and was always moving around like a nutter but Pea was very chilled and never moved so maybe it's a boy? Hmmmm I really don't know what sex this one is but it will be great either way :o)
As I came out of my scan my long term friend Snazy had come up and decided to surprise me with a visit which was really lovely :o) it was nice to have company as the day goes so much quicker!!
Snazy gave Chris and Livvy a lift home and not long after the physio's came in to test my lung function. Lung function is an essential part of keeping check on my CF and the state of my lungs. They work out the percentage of capacity compared to a normal person with my height and age etc. GREAT news today!!! All the treatment I have been doing has paid off big time as had the best lung function in a year. I am so proud of myself and so happy that the treatment has worked wonders and now its proved in the figures :o) I told all my family and they are all chuffed.
Then just to finish the day off nicely the doctor came in and gave me a questionnaire to fill in to help with a study and I took the apportunity to ask about going home! I waited to see what my lung function was before I asked hehe..... He said that they are happy for my to go either tomorrow or friday!! YAY! I can't wait to get back to normality at home and into my own bed. The beds in here are terrible on my back and also I don't have my hubby to give me cuddles all night. Oh and most importantly I can't wake up in the morning and go into Livvy's room to see a big welcoming smile. I miss that and can't wait to see her cute morning face again.
Only downside today is that Livvy refused to look at me nearly the whole time she was here. She really doesn't understand why I leave and then she sees me in this strange place. I am lookin forward to being able to explain that I have to go but I will be back very soon. I just have to try and not take it to heart but today has been a great day so i'm not letting anything get me down :o) xxx
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Awww Our Little Pea at 10 weeks and 4 days!
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Tuesday 1 March 2011
The View From My Bed
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